The holidays are here. It's time for cozy gatherings, spirited toasts, nostalgic traditions…and that one, ill-timed comment that sends the room into uncomfortable, queasy, stunned silence. Not to worry. The team at SBP is back with our fifth edition of "what not to say at the holiday table" — because we all could use a reminder.
This year, we’re tackling the sneakier offenders. The comments that sound innocent but can derail a perfectly lovely dinner faster than you can say “pass the potatoes, please.” Time to sharpen your social survival instincts so you can be a star at your own holiday table.
“So…are you still doing that?”
Nothing ruins the vibe like vague judgment. Whether “that” means a job, a hobby, a fitness routine, a relationship, or a haircut, just… don’t. The holidays are for encouragement, not cryptic performance reviews. If you wouldn’t say it to your therapist or your boss, it probably doesn’t belong next to the cranberry sauce.
“Wow, you look… tired.”
This is never a compliment. Ever. Translation received: You look exhausted, stressed, and possibly unwell. Even if Cousin Molly did sprint from LAX straight to dinner in full holiday-travel meltdown mode, offer her a glass of wine — not a diagnosis.
“Can you help me with something real quick?”
If “something” is your tech problems, your broken zipper, your overdue tax question, or assembling the toddler’s 45-piece toy train, please resist. Nothing says “holiday cheer” like trapping a family member into unpaid labor between courses. Let the experts (or the YouTube tutorials) chill tonight.
“Did you hear what so-and-so said about you?”
This one should be outlawed. Nothing ignites chaos quite like stirring the holiday pot with third-hand gossip. If your goal is to recreate a full-blown reality TV reunion at the table, congratulations — but the rest of us would prefer to keep our blood pressure stable.
“I brought my own [insert ‘healthier’ version of the host’s dish].”
We get it — you’re gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, fun-free. And that’s ok! But nothing sends a dagger through the host’s heart faster than plopping down your personal quinoa-lentil loaf next to their lovingly created homemade lasagna. If you have dietary needs, just discreetly work around the menu. No kitchen-shaming allowed.
“I read an article about…” (aka watched a TikTok)
If your “article” is actually a 12-second TikTok narrated by someone named CryptoMom420, please spare the table. Dinner isn’t the time to spread fake-news fun facts about the moon being a hologram or cold plunges reversing aging in dogs. Unless you can cite a real source — and no, “a girl said it while making overnight oats” doesn’t count — keep the conspiracies off the menu.
“You know who you remind me of…?”
There is simply no safe ending to this sentence. A celebrity? A politician? A childhood frenemy? A cartoon character? Abort mission. Compliment directly or don’t compliment at all. This is not a midnight set at The Improv.
The Verdict: Keep It Merry, Keep It Moving
Holiday gatherings don’t need to be perfect — just pleasant. Stick to kindness, curiosity, and compliments. Ask people how they are. Actually listen. And if in doubt? Smile, sip, and steer the conversation toward something universally agreeable. (Pets. Cookies. The fact that it gets dark at 4:30 now. Easy wins.)
